Flashpoint: Red Hood and the Outlaws

Boy it’s a good thing that what appear to be Tamaran breasts are actually magetic boney hemispheres covered in a thin layer of tissue otherwise there’d be no way for that “top” to stay on, or for it to provide any amount of support whatsoever, which would be needed if Starfire had actual breast tissue.

Also, Roy appears to be wearing a trucker hat. That might be worse than what are theoretically Starfire’s clothes. At least his tattoos aren’t barbed wire.

Flashpoint: JLA!

Thanks DC, for giving me inspiration to start blogging again! How could I not with this upcoming reboot and its costume revamps?

I think someone better at actual looking at society writing stuff could make a pretty sweet essay out of this. All of the men in full coverage bodysuits, Superman is showing the most male skin and that’s just hands and his face, while Wonder Woman, the only woman on the team, is going to fall out of her strapless top that leaves her shoulders and chest completely bare? There is some kind of talking point about sexualization and male gaze there. And there is a point about my searing hatred of strapless tops, the point is, they are not for crime fighting in!! Props to Jim Lee for drawing her in the same basic pose as all the dudes though, instead of her looking like she’s in a Maxim shoot while they’re all looking tough. The guys all look pretty decent, not sure how the other artists will like drawing in all the seaming lines, but I actually kind of miss Superman’s red underpants now that they are gone.

Flashpoint reboot: Ridiculous

Yeah I just about had an aneurysm when I saw this. DC’s costume designers should be slapped, or made to do acrobatics in this outfit. Maybe both.

Wow, it’s the new Harley Quinn for the new reboot post Flashpoint era! She is a a wannabe super edgey Suicide Girls inspired stripper who is unable to do anything except walk around carefully lest her top catastrophically fail. At least I hope that’s the case. If they actually expect me to see her jump and flip around in a strapless little corset that laces up the front like that and not think it is painfully stupid they are sorely mistaken. If it didn’t have the low back, maybe it would be slightly less terrible (I lie, it’d still be awful), but as it is that top will not stay up unless it is literally glued to her chest. oh and she’s only wearing low rise underwear and a belt full of bullets for her guns for bottoms. And I’m guess the boots we can just see are stilettos.

King Hammerhead Shark is rad though, he looks totally stoked to be there!  Now if the trying desperately to be edgy and hardcore girl in front of him would move, we’d have a great comic!

 

So uh hey, I’m not actually dead.

I do this sometimes. This, being vanish off the face of the internet for months at a time. Not a good strategy for keeping people interested in the silly things I have to say. And that’s why I don’t try and get a regular gig on one of the good blogs that actually are capable of updating consistently. I’m totally not, but let’s see how it goes this time around!

Bachalo noooooo! X-men #8, penciller: you guessed it, Chris Bachalo!

Let me make myself clear. I love Chris Bachalo’s artwork. Some people find his work too over the top, or hard to follow, but I really like how stylized and dynamic it is. And when you have really stylized art, you get a lot more leeway when it comes to ridiculous costumes and outfits. The more your art looks like real actual people, and the more grounded in reality the writing is, the less wiggle room you have before stuff starts looking silly. And his art is pretty far from reality, so a lot of things I would find stupid on other artists with a more realistic style, I will totally give a pass to for Bachalo.

And yet, if anyone steps on Storm’s cape thing, there are going to be BOOBS EVERYWHERE. Janet Jackson will have nothing on this wardrobe malfunction (I know this is like 4 years too late for this joke,) and Storm is going to electrocute anyone who sees anything and it will be a terrible international incident if it happens in public, and Wolverine will probably say something crass and just make everything worse and it will not be good at all, because this is a terrible way for the dreaded anti-mutant war everyone is so worried about to begin. Embarassed electrocuting is no way to kick something like that off.

For some reason Emma’s top/cape combo doesn’t bother me half so much. I think because it doesn’t have that gap in the middle it looks more secure, and it looks like the cape might fasten over top, rather than be directly attached. And really, other than the cape part, Storm’s costume isn’ttoo bad. I had to check it wasn’t a more stylized version of an older costume, even though I was pretty sure I would have remembered it, so it definitely looks like something I think she would wear, which is always good.  And totally unrelated to Storm, Bachalo should always be on a book that has at least one badass monster in it, because man he draws some seriously badass monsters. Just, hopefully ones that don’t step on capes.

So goth, so Superman/Batman #81 with art by ChrisCross

Check it out it’s alternate universe spooky magic Batman and his alternate universe spooky magic sidekick! Batman still in the full body uniform being all spooky and well covered and in this case all patchwork stitched together looking, and she’s…. well…

Booooooooring. She’s boring. Generic spooky vampire lady, in black leather with torn fishnets and dark hair and pale skin and blahblahblah generic scary goth blah. Do not care anymore, I’m over the whole look, and a little sad because I think something inspired by the reds and yellows in the traditional Robin costume could have been much more interesting and probably more intimidating if they were careful with the costume design.  I’m reminded a little bit of American Vampire with some of the stylistic choices with her fangs and nails, especially in later panels, but that book didn’t go the cliche goth route and is much better off for it. Seriously, it’s a really good book (if very bloody) and Rafael Albuquerque is an amazing artist who makes the lead female character look terrifying and absolutely monstrous when the story calls for it. In conlusion, my opinion of this outfit in Superman/Batman #81 by ChrisCross is go read American Vampire by Scott Snyder and Rafael Albuquerque. That wasn’t where I meant to end up with this post, but that’s okay!

Wolverine and Jubilee #2 – Penciller Phil Noto

 

As someone who watched the old X-men cartoon from the 90s, this is awesome.

 

On the left, we have Jubilee in her old costume, on the right, newly vampiric grumpy-pants Jubilee, and I am loving that the trench and pink sunglasses are back and still work. It’s a nice reminder about what she used to be, and how cheerful she used to be, and how different she is now. And the fullbody suit makes sense, because while sunlight isn’t killing her, it’s not comfortable, and looking more closely at the inking, looks like it’s a black shirt and black pants instead of a one piece which is even cooler really. She’s got a bit of a heel on it which is a little bit of a bummer, but she’s not wearing high waisted shorts, which I think would be worse. So hurray for Phil Noto being awesome and mostly sensible about things.

And of course, Kathryn Immonen is a rad writer and I’m liking the story, that helps too!

I’m actually a little offended by New Avengers 9: Penciller Mike Deodato

Well speak of the devil, I mentioned Deodato last post and look who shows up to make me angry.

Now, Mockingbird is on a stakeout as the inside woman. She knows her buddies are watching and waiting for the right signal to begin kicking ass, and she will kick ass alongside them. So she puts on a cute pair of pants with just a enough stretch in them to allow for any necessary kicking in the head. Oh wait, no she doesn’t, she puts on a skintight overalls-themed dress for some godforsaken reason.  Because normal people totally wear those right? And then holy crap there’s a fight, and she ninja splits kicks people in the head, wearing a skintight dress.

 

Which to Deodato’s credit, rides up like a skintight dress actually would. To Deodato’s whatever the hell the opposite of credit is in this case, he chose to illustrate that with a front view that includes carefully drawn in asscheeks and crotch. With juuuuust enough highlights in the dress thing to let you know that yes, it’s way over her crotch and whoever she’s kicking in the head knows her underwear preferences. I find this stunningly tasteless, like wow I can’t even articulate it. Who decides that’s a good way to draw that pose with that outfit? Argh. Deodato has issues with oversexualising women in general, putting them on inappropriate tippy-toes, or doing ridiculous things with their hips, and it’s made worse by the fact that everything else about it is really well done.  In summary, Deodato should draw books with only men in them.

This better not be a new character – Superboy #4: Penciller Pier Gallo

Gallo noooo not again. I’m serious, this better be an established supervillainness because this is painfully ridiculous. It’s a projection so I’m pretty sure she actually will have arms and legs, but as it stands she’s got a thong and a top that she’ll fall out of if she moves. See how stiff her pose is? She HAS to stand like that or risk a wardrobe malfunction! I’d be evil too if I was literally paralyzed by my poor choice in clothing. I give it 50-50 odds she’s in stilettos. If not, probably absurdly boring flat soled detailless boots because those are sadly common too.

If this is actually a new character and Gallo wasn’t explicitly told to make her look this silly I’m going to have to put him in the same category as Mike Deodato. Very good artist, but with choices in drawing women that just drive me insane. I’m sure something from Deodato will pop up eventually and I can explain further but for now, Gallo, go draw this poor lady something that will cover her nipples if she has to do anything but stand there.

Birds of Prey #8: Guillem March

I nearly gave this silly lady a pass.

See, she’s a non-fighting villianess, which usually I’ll give a little more leeway too since they don’t have to worry quite as much about movement and stuff, but she needs to touch people for her powers to work. Which means she needs to get close to some hardcore asskickers.  Which means the heels are a bad idea, especially if you’re trying to get close when your buddies are tearing the building apart around you. Flats, or at least wedges really, give your poor ankles some love.  Also, how is the veil staying on? I think that is the spookiest part, there’s no attachment points and yet, despite getting kicked in the head, it stays on! I dunno, some thought did go into the costume, and it’s drawn to be made from more than just skintight spandex or generic cloth, but it’s still a black and red oh so spooky goth barmaid hybrid and I have to roll my eyes because it’s just so expected in a lot of ways. And for skin activated powers, certainly has a lot of exposed skin, leading to a risk of accidental exposure. Oh hey in related news I have a pair of gloves from lululemon and there’s a little flip-up flap on the thumbs so you can expose your thumbtip to work touchscreen stuff with making the rest of your hand cold! Maybe a little subtle for comic book evil people or Rogue, but it’d be pretty funny to see in action.  

Kudos to March for giving Canary some Chun-Li quality thighs there, and tread on the soles of her boots. That kick would actually hurt it looks like. And they have matching fishnets!